It’s
been a month since we said goodbye to our dear, sweet Aunt Peg. It still seems
so hard to believe. Aunt Peggy was such
a big part of our lives from day one, it’s hard to get used to the new reality
of her no longer being here with us. In my experience, it’s the first days and
weeks after losing someone you love that really knock you off your feet a bit. I
wasn’t ready last month and I’m still not ready for Aunt Peggy to be gone…but,
I guess most people aren’t ready for that unending absence. No matter how much we know that death is a
part of life, we could never really be ready. And, it’s inevitable that you
wish you had done more or said “I love you” more or called just to chit-chat a
little more. If you read no further than
this, please walk away calling someone you love just to tell them that you love
them. There are so many people in our
lives who we love and cherish and adore, but we don’t make enough time to tell
them that more actively. We don’t. I know I don’t. And regardless, it will never
be enough. We’ll always wish we had
shared our love more or showed it better.
Some
of the only things that truly give me comfort when I’m so sad that Aunt Peggy
is gone are the memories of all the smiles, laughs and adventures we shared followed
by “thank yous” and hugs. All of the “I love yous.” It fills my heart with joy
not only having so many amazingly fun and fantastic and beautiful memories with
Aunt Peggy (and because of Aunt Peggy); but also knowing I did thank her and
send her love throughout the years (even if never enough). She filled my heart
so much during her lifetime that I have that to carry with me now……and what an
amazing gift her love was J
Something
else that helped me in that first week came to me a few days after her funeral as I sorted through a big
basket of her keepsakes (mostly thank you cards, postcards from people’s travels
and random notes). The pile was so big and
the notes were so heartfelt, it was immediately clear that Aunt Peggy had
received so much love and thanks in her life for all that she was to so many
people. Seeing all of those loving,
thoughtful words let me know that Aunt Peggy must have known that she was loved
by so many and that so many people cherished her in their lives. There was soooooo much love in that one
basket that held treasured items as old as a 1981 Western Union telegram. It’s
hard to lose loved ones, but seeing so much love and appreciation showered on Aunt
Peggy throughout the decades gave me a sense of peace in my heart. What an amazing woman she was…
This
is what I shared at her funeral on April 22, 2014:
Just
a few weeks ago, I was writing yet another Thank You card to Aunt Peggy. This time, thanking her for gifting me with
her PT Cruiser. I remember starting that
thank you note with “I’m not even sure how to thank someone for gifting me a
CAR…”
It’s
kind of how I feel right now about writing this … I’m not even sure how to thank
her and honor her for all that she was in this life and express all of my love
for her. I wasn’t ready to lose
her. I’m not ready to say goodbye. I know we are all in shock and disbelief that
she is gone. Aunt Peggy was such a special person. She was one of the constants in my life from
the very beginning. Not having any of
her own children, she loved, supported, encouraged and spoiled her nieces &
nephews & grand-nieces and nephew with all of her heart. She also loved and
adored Uncle Bobby and dad so very much … I always loved to listen to them all teasing
each other and laughing together J She was a loving daughter and niece, a great
sister-in-law to Aunt Donna and mom; a fantastic cousin to many, a dedicated member of the Trau & Loevner work family and a great friend to so many
more. She gave her love to so many
people, which is why we are all so terribly heartbroken.
Aunt
Peggy was a kind, gentle, sweet, loving, generous soul who gave each of us so
very many special moments throughout our lives. She spent so much time with us, time that we
all cherish and time that helped us to become who we are today. Just a small
glimpse into who she was as an aunt: from cruises to Bermuda with her when we
were all nine, to getting creative with David throughout his youth and helping
to design and sew many of his amazing Halloween/birthday costumes and then making
sure that he and Jonathon could get home to Pittsburgh for visits; to helping
out with random expenses for all of us like a washer and dryer for Caitlin and
Dennis’s new home and a beautiful crib for Meagan and Paul’s lovely lil Mary; to
so many loving gestures for Shannon, BJ, Maeve and Luke; to helping Nicki and
Michael with their dog, Rooney’s, medical treatments; to helping Christa and
Eric go on a trip to Disney World, to sleepover parties complete with take-out
and movies; to a once-in-a-lifetime gorilla trekking trip she insisted on gifting
to me when I was living in East Africa, the list just goes on and on! She was
the type of person who would see there was a need and fill it. There was just no
limit to what Aunt Peggy would decide she wanted to do for someone she
loved.
With
hair soft like grandma’s and eyes just as blue, she was beautiful. Although
life dealt her a tough hand at times, Aunt Peggy maintained a positive attitude
and held her independent, strong spirit close.
She wasn’t going to let her health challenges and disability get her
down for too long. She was going to live a full and happy life as much as
possible. She was a care-giver to
grandma and Uncle Bill for so many years both on Charles Street and when they
moved to the nursing home, too. Aunt Peggy took care of everyone even while she
had so much to do to take care of herself. She filled our hearts with so
much love and she made it look so easy.
Our
lives will never be the same now that she’s gone. The table will always seem to be missing
something. Our hearts will forever ping
with the selfish sadness that she is gone, but we will all forever carry her in
our hearts. And knowing that she left
this world in such a peaceful way brings comfort to many of us. She suffered
enough over the years, she deserved to go quickly and quietly. She’s just gone too soon.
When
my friend heard of our loss, she sent this thought to me by Thomas Campbell:
“To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die.” In that case, we know she will live on for so
many years to come until the very youngest of us has passed on, she will always
be here.
I
know that many of us had our special relationships with Aunt Peggy and special
things that we did with her. Caitlin is Honey Bunny #1 and Christa is Honey
Bunny #2. Even down to the way we said I
love you. For Meagan, I know she always
loved how Aunt Peggy would say “I love you honey!” Something about the “honey” at the end every
time just stayed with Meagan and brings her a smile now today when she thinks
of all those “honeys” she heard over the years.
For me, Aunt Peggy and I used to go back and forth at the end of our
calls saying “I love you.” … “I love you more” … “no, I love YOU more.” And on
and on. I insisted on continuing the
back and forth for so many years, but once our sweet Maeve was born, I started
to tell Aunt Peggy, “you know what, I believe you now. You must love me more.” I finally understood. In meeting my first niece, Maeve, and feeling
that love that she brought into my life from the second she came into this
world, I just knew that Aunt Peggy must’ve had a love for me that I could never
beat. In that moment when I would
concede to her, Aunt Peggy would laugh her contagious laugh because she had
won. Maeve and I do this same thing now
and I’m guessing it will take until she becomes an aunt herself for her to give
in like I did … and I’m okay with that.
Aunt Peggy set the bar very high when it comes to love and being an aunt
and I will forever reach for her shining star.
I am
so very grateful to have all of the memories and smiles that I do with our
precious Aunt Peg. And I am forever in
debt to her for all of the love she showered on me throughout my life. For teaching me what it means to love and
what it means to be an aunt. I will
spend my lifetime trying to repay that debt by loving Maeve, Luke and Mary even
half as much as Aunt Peggy has loved me.
Maeve
actually called me on Friday night, so devastated with our loss, saying “it’s
just so hard to process this, Aunt Marce.”
I let her know that it’s moments like this when we lose someone
unexpectedly that remind me the importance of telling and showing people our
love every time we see them because no matter what, we will always wish we had
done it more. We must strive to spread
love, hugs, smiles and thanks to all those who matter most in our lives all the
time because it just can never be enough…
We
love you forever and always Aunt Peggy and you will FOREVER live in the hearts
of so many!!! May you rest always in
peace, full of our love…
