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| Mumford and Sons |
“...In
these bodies we will live, in these bodies, we will die. Where you invest your love, you invest your
life...” I have invested so much of my
love in the experiences I’ve had, the places I’ve visited and the people with whom
I have shared it all…I made a conscious decision a long time ago to invest my
love in the adventure of life; and, therefore, in the people surrounding me
through it all. I come back to this
every single time, but I am BLESSED by the universe to have the family that I
have. The family that my parents gave to
me: grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters, nieces, nephew, neighbors. And the family that life has given me: host
families, friends, roommates, neighbors, soulmates. Which is why, when I go on my adventures and
seek to find something that I don’t even know, I get very sentimental and
emotional with the knowledge that I must leave so many loved ones behind as I continue
to try to live my life and seek to follow a path of self-discovery. One of the few consoling factors in these difficult
times of goodbyes, is the knowledge in my heart, that I carry so many of these
loved ones with me…I carry them with me in so many different moments of my
life: moments of self-discovery, moments of pure joy, moments of uncertainty, moments
of sadness, moments of exploration.
I
have no idea what this new chapter holds for me…no idea. I could be here in Berlin for three months until
my tourist visa expires and in that time I could get to know Berlin and build
up the relationships with the friends I have here and have a lot of fun
travelling and visiting other friends around Europe and then head back home to a different kind of unknown. Or I could decide I want to stay longer. Rather than three months, maybe I’ll stay six months or a year or even
more...why put an end date on it??? Why
try to figure out now what only time can tell?
Whatever will be, will be…3 months, 6 months, a year...this experience and chapter is going to be as long as it wants and needs to be. (Reminder: live in the NOW…it’s doing me
wonders!)
All
I do know is that at the very least I need to use this continued and indefinite
“Marci time” to do the things that I know make me happy. I need to write and work on my photography; I
need to sing (even if just to myself while I’m wandering around the city; although,
I’m definitely still hoping to find someone in the park playing a guitar just
hoping that someone who loves to sing will pop by and ask to sing a few songs!). Which leads me to, I need to spend time
outside enjoying all that surrounds me…the parks and rivers and canals and
lakes and trees and gorgeous skies all help with that for sure! I need to reflect on my life and what it has
been and what I’d love for it to become…and I need to work towards making some
dreams reality. So many of these things
are intertwined. It’s kind of beautiful.
Basically, I just need to LIVE. I need to live and breathe the air and
experience the joy of being in a different country and hearing/using/learning
foreign languages and seeing so many new and wonderful things…on the way to the
grocery store, on the train, on a wandering jog in which I venture to get
lost….I just need to live and take in the beauty that surrounds me
everywhere. This Berlin chapter has so
many wonderful possibilities, it’s a gift that I’ve given myself and now it’s
up to me to make it everything it can be.
Later at 4:30 pm
Ahhh,
I just had the most amazing nap (always feels so good since I’m so bad at
them!)…and then, after not even thirty minutes hanging out with Rob, it seems
that we have accidentally, as if on cue, found a room full of hopes and
possibilities and epiphanies. We talked
about me really not having any clue what these next months bring…no clue
because I didn’t want to. I knew I could
think about it and really stress trying to figure out ahead of time what it was
going to be…..but, I couldn’t do that to myself. So, when people asked me “what are you going
to be doing in Germany?” … I honestly answered, “I don’t know…I’m gonna wing
it.” I had learned earlier in the summer
that I wanted and needed to allow myself to live in the present...and I was
trying to practice that! And Rob actually said the exact same thing(s) when we
were on the bus ride from the airport to his house…he said, “you can’t change
the past…and the future is an unknown thing; it may not even happen. So what really is a future? …we really must
concentrate on the NOW.“ That’s what I’d
thought about out on the deck at Meagan’s house back in June and in so many
moments since…having that be one of the first things that my dear friend, Rob,
said to me….it just seemed like a sign (there have been so many of those recently!). Anyways, so I could’ve been stressed the last
months trying to figure out ahead of time what my time in Berlin would be…but I
am so grateful that I didn’t! It makes
this journey so much more natural and organic and gives this experience the
opportunity to really evolve on its own, without expectations. I know there are moments in life in which we really
can get stressed, sometimes easily so…and it’s in those moments that we must
remember to find some peace for ourselves by appreciating whatever it is that
the universe has given us now; today. Sometimes life is definitely overwhelming...but we really just have to take the time to sit back, relax and enjoy.
During
our conversation, Rob noted how there are so many positive energy forces around
me right now, all built up and ready to help me accomplish whatever it is that
I want to accomplish. I have love
coming at me from so many different people and places…love and energy that is simply
put: priceless. And all of this just
reminds me of a few of the wise words of one of my very favorite authors, Paulo
Coehlo, in The Alchemist. In this, one
of my very favorite books, he writes, "…when you want something, all the
universe conspires in helping you to achieve it…”
What
is happening now, in this, my first day of life in Berlin, the feeling in my
heart and soul and spirit……..this is my happiness. This brilliant feeling of freeness is just so
natural and so relaxed; and discovered in a place full of culture and beauty
and creativity and people seeking something similar. All I need to do now is live the life I have
lived in my thoughts and dreams and hopes...and after just a few hours of being here, I already believe I am in the
right place to make my dreams come true.
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Best wishes,
Marci