Free Writing and Free Fallin'

As I sat on The Bridge yesterday, I absorbed all that surrounded me and took the opportunity to write a bit.  These are the thoughts that escaped my mind through my pen:

I feel like I’ve been searching for something for a long time.  And after all of these years of searching, I finally realize that what I’ve always been seeking is already within me. 

I have followed so many different paths and callings these last fourteen years; some of which have taken me to far away places…and each of them have had great meaning.  Some even more than great.  And they have all led me to this place, right here, right now.  Sitting on an amazing little bridge, in the heart of Berlin, staring out at a most beautiful sunset.  In a place that is yet another peaceful one that I’ve discovered in this city of cities. And, it happens to be the perfect place to watch the sunset as swans and boats float up and down the canal to destinations unknown... ;)

Heavenly.

As I sit here absorbing all that surrounds me, I sit in peace.  Peace with life; with where I am and with where I have been. Peace with who I am and who I am becoming. And, most especially, with peace in my heart.

Here in Berlin, just as I remember feeling when I lived in Uganda, I am like a toddler in the sense that I am curiuos about everything in the world around me: the tastes, the sounds, the language, the culture, the history.  Everything is exciting and new and such a breath of fresh air.  I get to learn about life all over again, from a new perspective…and this time, with 32 years of living under my belt…what a gift!

At this stage of life discovery I am older and (I hope) a bit wiser.  There are things from my past that have made me a bit more cautious now.  Things that I am still sorting out and trying to figure out the all important balance of learning from them but not becoming too cautious because of them.  I don’t want to let something pass me by because of this caution.  As I tried to illustrate to Amy the other day with the best example I could come up with: “we can’t blame the new boyfriend for things that a previous one did.”  Replace the word "boyfriend" with a million other things and you'll see what I mean.  We certainly need to learn from our past and try to become better, stronger people from it…but we really can’t let our past dictate our future.  We need to live each moment, each experience, each opportunity as if there is nothing to lose! As if it’s the first to come along!  By flying into life with such gumption and gusto, we fuel the fire of success.  So I guess what I'm trying to say is never forget the past…it is who you are and how you’ve become you…but never let it rule your now.

So, I sit here and take it all in.  All the noises: a baby having a little tantrum, German conversations passing by all around me, an American biking by with a friend and telling some seemingly interesting story, the sound of the cars as they slowly rumble over the stones of this unique bridge. I take in the breeze and the sky and the bottle caps decoratively scattered all around this stone bridge, embedded into the mortar after thousands of feet and tires have pushed them down making them a part of it.  I sit here and I feel lucky and grateful to be here in this very moment; observing, absorbing, experiencing and living my life as freely as a bird…....…or perhaps I should say butterfly ;)

Earlier this year an older song really struck a chord with me and as I continue to sing it at random times, I understand more and more why.  After hearing this song for as long as I can remember, it now holds more meaning than I ever could have expected or known before….

“And I’m freeeee; I’m free fallin’. Yeah I’m freeee, yeah...I’m free fallin’." 

And I am so happy for every second of the fall!


**Click the links above to be redirected to my Uganda blog and/or for a special performance by Rage Against the Hungry Machine, my work band, back in April at my last RATHM show (you can skip to 50 seconds in for the start of the song).**