"Equality is Patriotic"

(All photo credit goes to my friend, Steve Luke)

As anyone who has read my blog before knows, I get a lot of inspiration from music and last Wednesday was no different! After I wrote about saying goodbye to Uncle Bill, I listened to the song “Turn, Turn, Turn” by The Byrds (if you read the previous blog post, that makes sense).  As I listened to the words: “to everything (turn, turn, turn), there is a season (turn, turn, turn); and a time to every purpose, under Heaven,” I couldn’t help but think of the marriage equality issues being discussed at the Supreme Court because it just seems like now must be the “season” for marriage equality in our country. Then later that night as I sat and played cards with my parents and two of their awesomely fun friends, a few other things sparked my desire to write this post: Pandora was playing in the background of our card night and songs kept coming on that spoke of love; and, I snuck a glance at Facebook and noticed some images that a friend had posted from his trip down to the Supreme Court this week. Both the music and the photographs had me feeling conflicted with my emotions.

As songs like Van Morrison’s “Someone Like You” (listen here) and The Beatles’ “All You Need is Love” (listen here) played, I couldn’t help but feel a ping of sadness in my heart for all the people I know who have found a partner in this big crazy world and a beautiful love, but who have to fight for the equal rights of that love. And I couldn’t help but wonder how anyone thinks that they have the right to take the right of love and marriage and equal rights away from someone else. Especially in AMERICA: “…land of the FREE and home of the BRAVE;” a country founded by a group of people seeking freedom. I would never claim to be a legal expert, but when the Founding Fathers of our nation declared in 1776 that:

“…we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness,”

I interpret this in my own words as:

“…we hold the following truths to be true, that ALL people are created equal, that we are all put here (no matter who your “Creator” is) with the same Rights which no one can take away from us and that among those rights are Life, Liberty (Freedom) and the pursuit of Happiness (lots of Love and Smiles in our hearts).”

Whatever your interpretation may be, it all still boils down to the fact that our forefathers dreamed of basic and equal civil rights for all people. So how can we still today, even after centuries of evolution and decades full of fighting for equality (amongst ourselves)…whether it be racial equality, gender equality, marriage equality, or any other equality…how can we still be refusing civil rights and freedoms to our fellow Americans??? If we are truly a free and brave society, we should be a people and nation brave enough to accept our differences so that we can also be a people and nation free to the same rights as our neighbor. And, in regards to the marriage equality fight, we should not only all be free to love whomever it is that we fall in love with when we are lucky enough to fall in love at all; but also, know that we will have the right to the same legally binding marriage as our neighbor, regardless of what kind of partnership and marriage it is. If America is supposed to be a nation that has the same civil rights for all of its citizens, how can we be discriminating against same-sex relationships and marriages?

The photographs that my friend posted both filled my heart with joy and broke it.  I felt such heartwarming pride and happiness seeing so many people supporting equal rights for all and carrying signs like “Equality Now!” and “Let Freedom Ring”; but, at the same time I felt such sadness and anger at the photos showing ugly hatred. There were actually people carrying signs that said: “Death penalty for fags.” I couldn’t believe it! I don’t use that word and definitely don’t like writing it here, but someone actually had the guts to write it on a big old piece of poster board and wave it high in the air. More than one person. It enraged me. What kind of mature argument uses such a word? And what kind of person actually believes that someone should be put to death because they LOVE someone??? Not since I lived in Uganda in 2008-9 had I heard someone suggest killing someone because they loved someone of the same sex. That was hard enough to hear from a young man who had grown up in a small, rural village with little knowledge of the larger world outside of that village and ignorant to many ideas and possibilities that people in the Western world take for granted in our everyday lives.

I don’t usually like to talk politics and typically don’t write about them either…but to me, this isn’t about politics. This is about humanity. This is about love. This is about “the single greatest, simplest, and most important moral axiom humanity has ever invented, one which reappears in the writings of almost every culture and religion throughout history” (quote taken from the website: Ebon Musings)…do unto others as you would have done unto you. Simply put, this is about The Golden Rule.

And, anyways, how is it anyone’s business, let alone the government’s business who we choose to love anyway? And why does the LGBT community have to “come out” and pronounce their sexuality when the rest of us don’t?  I’ve always wondered that. I remember about ten years ago when I had my first conversation with my cousin about him being gay. I grew up with him and just never realized he was anyone other than my sweet David…..who happened to love recording Disney songs with me and going shopping when I needed a buddy!  I remember crying so hard during that call because I was sad knowing that he had had to deal with the past stress of hiding who he was for however long he had known that and been hiding it; the current stress of “coming out” and dealing with the highs and lows of that process, however long it would be for him; and, the future stress of having to deal with people who would just refuse to be compassionate and understanding of someone who is different than they are. Aren’t we all meant to be uniquely different people? Wouldn’t the world be a lot more boring if we were all the same? And why does it matter who we love as long as we are LOVING???

"Family is family"

As someone who loves loving and yearns for her own partner in this crazy thing we call life, her best friend with whom she can celebrate the highs and tackle the lows…I just feel such sorrow knowing that there are so many people out there in loving, caring, respectful, fun, happy, beautiful relationships who are being told, not only by their neighbors, but by their government, that their relationship is not equal to the relationship of others; that their relationship is wrong; and/or, that the love they feel in their hearts is unnatural. And I feel even more sad and disappointed that in this “land of the free and home of the brave” such beautiful, loving relationships are either not recognized legally at all, are legally only worthy of a “civil union” while heterosexual relationships are worthy of marriage…or that their relationship is worthy of a marriage in the eyes of a specific state, but then does not have the same rights as a heterosexual marriage in the eyes of the federal government.

With thirty-eight states having “banned same-sex marriage, either through legislation or constitutional amendments” (found on CNN.com), we have a long way to go on the road to restore the equal civil rights of all Americans and to stop allowing marriage discrimination in our beautiful country.  What gives us the right as human beings to say that one love is more deserving of another, that one love has more options in regards to “making it official”??? And to bring the government back into the spotlight, since government is in charge: why do they think they can/should grant one couple’s love more rights than another couple’s love? And then, when a state actually grants all couples the right to get married (as only nine states including Washington, DC have done so far), why is the federal government going to declare that those marriages don’t have the same rights as other marriages by not recognizing those same-sex marriages in those nine states (thanks to the Defense of Marriage Act)? Gosh, nine big steps forward and one humongous step back. As Justice Ginsberg said this week: "The problem is, if we are totally for the state's decision that there is a marriage between two people, for the federal government then to come in and say no joint return, no marital deduction, no Social Security benefits, your spouse is very sick, but you can't get leave – one might well ask, 'what kind of marriage is this?'”

I wish the United States of America would follow the lead of Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, Iceland, the Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, South Africa, Spain and Sweden and just make the marriage of two consenting adults legal nationwide with the same marriage rights going to all Americans regardless of our sexual orientation.

It has been uplifting to see so much support and love and unity on Facebook this week. So many people sharing the Marriage Equality symbol, even if just for a day, taking the opportunity to use their voice on a platform that is used every second of every day by more than a billion people around the world. With fifty-seven percent of Americans admitting to having a friend or family member who is gay and to supporting marriage equality (as discovered in a recent pole and discussed on CNN), we are definitely moving in the right direction. I’m sure even more people must know at least one person (whether they know it or not; whether they admit it or not) who happens to love people of the same sex.  Whether it be an acquaintance, a neighbor, a friend, a childhood schoolmate, a cousin, an uncle, an aunt, a sister, a brother, a father, a mother, a niece, a nephew, a colleague……the list goes on and on.

 

We are all people. Human beings. What makes us think it’s okay to say one person’s loving relationship isn’t the same or doesn’t have the same worth as another’s love? Because we are afraid? Because it’s something we don’t understand? Because it’s not how we live our own lives?  In a world constantly suffering from war and natural disasters and unexplainable tragedies, shouldn’t we:

be embracing any and all love that is in the air?
be promoting LOVE in all shapes and sizes, colors and combinations?
be standing tall for love…with our hearts filling with love each time we witness another couple, any couple, living in love?
be looking past our differences as people and learning to show our humanity?
be treating each other as we want to be treated?
be loving each other as we want to be loved?

Maybe we should stop worrying so much about why those two people are holding hands and wanting to shout from the roof top that they are in love; and, instead, start discussing why we all don’t try to show just a little more love, understanding and compassion to everyone we meet. The world is never going to be perfect; you are never going to be perfect; I am never going to be perfect…but we can’t even dream of reaching the stars if we keep trying to diminish the love that is in the air.

As the Dalai Lama has said, ““Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”

Same Love (listen here)

One Love (listen here)

Just Love (listen here)