The unknown days ahead...

Today as I’m nearing the 2,000 blog views mark (1,998 views to date!) and since I expect whatever I post next will send me over that mark, I wanted to share something special!! I know this number could be coming from just a few dedicated readers who come back frequently to see if I’ve posted something new; but even so, I’m very grateful to anyone who comes to read my thoughts…however random or monotonous they may be!  To get an idea of how many unique visitors my blog has, I have a Call to Action for you today: If you could please take a few extra seconds at the end of this post to comment and tell me which post has been your favorite or request a specific theme/topic for a future post or just say whatever really(!)…it would be awesome!!!  It’d be helpful to have an idea of who is reading and what interests you most as a reader.  Don’t forget to leave your name if you want me to know who you are...who knows, you could get a shout out in the future!!  Whether you comment or not, thank you so very much for being a part of my “Long Road Home” journey J

Back in February, I was writing a lot about love and posted several times throughout the month about it, but I didn’t want to overuse that theme in just one week or month…so I set some things aside for later use.  I wrote the following post on Valentine’s Day while sitting in my bed in Berlin and today as I sit at my parent’s dining room table in Pittsburgh, I think it’s the perfect thing to share with you:

“Love IS the reason for everything…at least for me, in my life.  As I sit here a few days after writing the “LOVE” and “(and a confession)” posts, I find myself still focused on that feeling and emotion.  I just happened upon some articles about the importance of finding one’s meaning in life…finding one’s purpose; and, as a result, finding one’s happiness, and I immediately started daydreaming up a scenario in my head.  Surprisingly (just kidding!), my thoughts ran to love and I remembered that LOVE...the love that I currently have within my amazing family and the love that I believe I will share in the years to come with a life partner...those loves are the reason I am going home.  So that one day, when I have both, I can share them and have them in the same place…or at least in the same country!  How could I possibly build a life and family so far away from the family I already have?  I fear that the distance between Berlin and the East Coast, regardless of the awesome technology we have today, would break my heart.  A person realizes their priorities and dreams (which can be conflicting!) and works them out to the best of their ability.  I followed my heart and dreams to Berlin and now I am following them back home.  It was love for myself and adventure and living abroad that brought me here, following a dream I’d had for a few years. And it is love for myself and my family that is the reason I’m leaving Berlin…because without all of them and the love they’ve given to me in my life, my life and dreams would be empty.  We only have this one life to live, so I say let’s follow our hearts as much as possible…and my heart is leading me home right now.

I am so happy about all of the wonderful moments of discovery I’ve had here in this beautiful city….discoveries of the city itself, discoveries about the world around me, about life; and, discoveries of myself and who I am and want to be.  I said all along that I didn’t know how long I was going to be here…that I would just have to wait and see.  And after six months of living here, I can honestly say that I’m heading home with my head and heart full of new, magical memories of my life’s story and with a bit of anxious, yet excited energy for the continued unknown adventures ahead.  I have no idea where the next three or six months will take me…no idea where I’ll end up or what I’ll be doing.  But I do know that I walk into the unknown days ahead with adventure in my soul, freedom in my spirit, an open mind, and a heart full of love J

And I also know that at least the first month or two back home will be spent with my family: visiting my sisters for a week each, then in Pittsburgh with my best friend, Lindsay and her family for a week, and then with my parents and aunts and uncles and cousins…and, also, with friends who I’ve known for half my lifetime.  And I know that if I’m surrounded by all of those wonderful people while I’m on this journey of discovery, well…I have nothing to fear.  Or at least, I have less to fear as I’ll be facing the unknown road ahead with loved ones by my side!

The day I bought my ticket to go home, after about six weeks of pondering what to do, I got to Skype with Shannon and her fantastically amazing Maeve.  When I explained that I’d be coming home more permanently this time, Maeve immediately started to jump up and down and scream with excitement.  And, within seconds, her laughter became tears of joy.  She was so happy that I would again be near, that she cried (which in turn made Shannon cry, and, ultimately, I got a little teary eyed too!).  That beautiful, genuine, raw reaction solidified to me that I’d made the right decision.  That no matter how long I end up being in the Virginia, Maryland and Pennsylvania area, the time that I am dedicating to the people in those places during some of this unknown chapter will most definitely be time well spent. 

During that same conversation, Shannon asked if I had received her email a few weeks back (I hadn’t).  She explained that she had been thinking about me last month and worried that I was floating around partly because I didn’t feel I had somewhere to land.  And it was important to her that I know that I’m not just a part of their extended family, I’m a part of their immediate/nuclear family; that I always have a place with them; I always belong in their home.  What a beautiful thing to hear…what a beautiful sentiment to share with me. Everything just felt as if it was all as it was meant to be.

On top of that, Meagan continues to say in many of our Skype conversations that she wishes there was a way for me to be Mary’s nanny.  That it would be so wonderful if we could make that work because how fun would it be to have so much quality time together?  And my mom always tells me when I’m home how much she loves having me there and wishes we could spend more time together (she’s already planning some fun stuff for us!).  And dad told me back in January that it’d been long enough and he was ready to have me back home again (I’d only just left!).  So all of these people and reasons (and more) are pulling me home and I’m happily on my way there.  Only time will tell where I end up in the next 3-6 months…but for now, I’m going to try to do something to enjoy each day while I’m still here in beautiful Berlin with the people who have become my Berlin family.”

I’ve been home a month now and I’ve already enjoyed so many of those wonderful moments and reunions to which I was looking forward, and seeing some of my favorite faces has been fantastic!  At this point, I honestly don’t have much more insight into where I’m heading or what I’ll be doing in the long term.  However, since I am lucky enough to have already figured out my life's meaning, my purpose, my happiness...maybe I'm actually a little more ahead than I think. Since sharing my heart and the love within it is who I am, it makes it even more important that I continue to listen to my heart.  And although it may be a bit of a struggle at times to figure some things out (where I should settle and what I should do for a job), I can't let that get me down for too long!  I'm determined to continue walking into the unknown days ahead with “adventure in my soul, freedom in my spirit, an open mind, and a heart full of love."

(If you have time to comment, Thank You!!!)