(and a confession)

At the end of the day….I’ve had love in my life every single day; I’ve felt it in my very core and I’ve shared it with many people.  And that love that I’ve been gifted with along with the love that I have given others, it’s all made me who I am.

But although I really wanted this week's writing to focus on all of the beauty of love, I must also take this opportunity to make a confession (something which the people closest to me already know).  Someone told me last fall that if I’m going to write…I have to write about everything. I have to make myself vulnerable.  And I think love makes people vulnerable by nature because when you love or even crave love, you’re putting yourself out there in the world.  So anyways, it can be difficult to be honest about how you feel when you don’t have a special someone in your life; but, I've worked hard on what you're about to read (it wasn't easy to articulate!), and I've tried my best to explain how I'm feeling because I think it’s important...so please bare with me!  

Here goes: although I am filled with such great love from my family everywhere, there is definitely a void in my life that’s just waiting to be filled.  Having known the feeling of being in love four times during my young adult life, I understand the pure beauty of sharing my life with someone in such an intimate and special way.  And because of that, I have to believe in my heart and soul that I will have the opportunity to feel such a unique love again.  

Some of you know that it’s been eight years since I last had a boyfriend; (for whom I had/will always have a lot of love!) and nine years since I was last IN love; and while I do feel really lucky that I’ve experienced such love, I really want to have that again.   Throughout the years, my eyes have been open; my heart always on my sleeve. I’ve dated here and there and shared bits of myself and my life with a few people, but I’ve been patiently waiting for my person (at least I think I have been!).  During these years, I have enjoyed life as much as I could.  I’ve lived a few different chapters…important, challenging, beautiful chapters.  I’ve taken advantage of this time of independence and I’ve shared my life with many people.    I’ve made some mistakes along the way.  I’ve won some and I’ve lost some.  But mostly, I’ve lived, I’ve laughed and I’ve loved.   And because of those last three things, I am, have been and will always be so very grateful for all of the adventures and love along life's crazy journey!  

So although I may have felt disappointed or inpatient at times, I have lived my life believing as much as possible that everything is as it’s meant to be.  It's just that, at this point, I'm really feeling in my soul that I’ve been “explorin’ and tourin’” the world on my own for long enough….that it’s time to have my partner with whom I discover what’s around the next corner.  I’m so happy and excited to share my life deeply and whole-heartedly with someone; and, I guess what I’m saying is that sometimes I really just don’t want to have to wait any longer!  Sometimes I really wonder what’s taking the universe so long to have our paths cross…sheesh!  (Enough suspense already.)

But while I’m floating along life's path, I remind myself that if there's one thing I've learned along the way, it's that we must always love ourselves.  So you better believe that after all of these years of self-discovery, I don’t plan to settle for anything less than the real deal: someone who loves me whole-heartedly and unconditionally (as I feel I will love them).  Someone who really appreciates me; cherishes and treasure me.  I know this exists and is possible to find in someone else (I know many people who have such great and genuine love)…and I know it’s what I want for me and my life. And why shouldn’t I?  I mean, how else should we love and be loved?   

So there, I’ve said it.  It’s out in the open.  I love love and I dream of great love in my future ;)  I dream of the kind of love Carrie Bradshaw dreamt about: “Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.”  And I’m proud of that dream!  Now, if only I could magically become an awesome dater!  (I think I've failed a bit at dating in the past, but I'm going to have to be a bit more pro-active about it now that I'm making this very public declaration.)  Afterall, what good is a dream if we're not willing to work to make it become a reality?

But, anyways…regardless of if you are lucky enough to be sharing your life with someone special right now who makes you feel safe and comforted in this big crazy world or if you’re special crew is a family full of people who will always love, cherish and protect you no matter what…whoever your “person” or “people” are…tell them “thank you” often and always love them back with all you have.  Love and gratitude are the greatest gifts we can give each other (and ourselves!)!

As Mr. Paulo Coelho says in The Alchemist: “when we love, we always strive to become better than we are.  When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”

So let’s all just keep on lovin’!

To all the people who have a place in my heart...my life would be nothing without you!

"Ich liebe dich.  Du bist mein Leben."
"I love you.  You are my life."