Free writing session: There Are Signs Everywhere!

“Could you tell me one thing you remember about me…..”  (Counting Crows)

This song just came on my iTunes shuffle and made we wonder, “what if I could ask people to tell me one thing they remember about me?”  That was my first thought (appropriately following the song!), but then I had one of my flashes and thought, what if I just started writing “love letters” in which I tell people what I would remember about THEM.  It could be one thing, or it could be so much more.  But what a great exercise that would be and what a great gift as well! I think too often, we don’t tell the people that really mean the most to us how we feel about them…so why not get something started here! What do you think?  Would you want to receive a “love letter”?

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Thing is, when that song started playing, I was already thinking about life and who I am as a friend and wondering if I ask too much of other people.  I believe that all I ask of the people I share my life with is that they are kind and loving in return. But in “asking” them to be a certain way (even kind and loving), I am creating expectations of how they should be…and expectations, no matter how accidental, usually only lead to disappointment.  But then I wonder, how do we have relationships without expecting such a simple kindness and consideration? I honestly don’t know.  I can sit here and think of so many people with whom I’ve shared a great friendship, and some wonderful human beings who have been a part of my life story…and I am so very grateful for so many people in my life’s story.  But, at the same time, I wonder why it seems too much for some people who act as if they are our friends to actually show a little love a little more often?  This could be in the form of a simple note or phone call to let someone know you’re thinking of them; or perhaps an invitation to dinner; or an extra big hug.  It could be shown in a small, unexpected gift; or a friendly discussion when you have a disagreement in order to mutually find a resolution; or, it could be helping you when someone else is pushing you down.  What keeps people from showing their love to others? Or is it possible that I think I am showing my love more than I am?

This is not a negative accusation to anyone of anything specific…it’s just something I wonder about sometimes.  Sometimes in my life, usually in difficult moments (and definitely in moments in which an important friendship has been lost), I get lost in my thoughts and in my head and in my heart and just wonder if me expecting my friends to be loving and caring and kind is asking too much of people.  Some of the experiences that I’ve had just make me think that my meaning of love and friendship runs deeper into my soul than it does for some others.  And then I remember some words I recently read somewhere, “sometimes we expect more from people because we would be willing to do that much for them.” But, in that case, this is a sign to me because I feel that sharing my heart and love with others is what I’m meant to “do” or “be” in this crazy thing called life.  Meagan dreamed of being a fighter pilot, Shannon had a love for farming; my parents were born to be teachers.  And me, well, there may not be an actual paid job that goes with my self-appointed title of “butterfly”….but that is truly what I believe my calling in life is.  I just want to spread smiles, love and peace….even if just the smallest little amount.  And even knowing that sometimes I’ll flutter more than other days and fly higher and share more light and love than on other days…I can live each day as best I can fulfilling my duties as best I can.  

I won’t ever understand or comprehend why people stomp on the butterflies in their life…but I will always remember the floating and the loving and the smiles and the beauty that dominates the story.  I won’t ever pretend that I’m perfect.  Take a look around, because we all know that this is a very imperfect world; in small ways, just as much as in big ways.  And as I am very aware of the necessity to accept the good with the bad in this world of ours, I accept the moments that I fail…because they lead me to my moments of success.  I will never stop trying to be good.  I will continue to try to spread some love in this world, even on the dreariest of days.  And if I fail today, may I try harder tomorrow.  Because if I don’t have that, I don’t know who I am.  Who knows what my next paid job will be…hopefully something that suits my soul a bit better than my last job...but just as being a fighter pilot was somehow a part of Meagan from the very beginning, so too, is being a butterfly part of who I have always been.  At least, that is what I’m going to believe and that is what I’m going to build my story on…and I’ll keep these words of wisdom in my pocket:

“ We may make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”  ~Winston Churchill~

“The planet does not need more successful people.  The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds.”  ~Dalai Lama~

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Just a few seconds or minutes after writing all of that, I happened to see a painting that my floating butterfly friend, Amy, made for me this past fall.  When I read the words, I just smiled and kinda chuckled to myself…there really are signs everywhere!!  Words from Mr. Paulo Coehlo (again!): “You are what you believe yourself to be.”

Amy paints the best trees!

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And then just a few minutes later, I got an unexpected sign in an email from my dear friend, Meredith.  In response to an email I had sent to her, she opened her email with, “Thank you for the encouraging note!!  You are really gifted at making people feel loved.”  She ended her email with, “Love you... my beautiful light...” I couldn’t believe it, what perfect timing to receive such words!

In my response to her, I exclaimed, “Wow, you have no idea how your message just touched my soul!  I JUST finished writing a thought down sparked by a Counting Crows song...and I was declaring that I’ll probably never find a paying job that is what I’m meant to be in this world (like the traditional doctor, lawyer, teacher, etc.).  But what I’m meant to be is the butterfly I’ve been floating into all these years!  Doh. Of course.  I've been saying this for years now and really learning to love and appreciate it over the last years....but I believe I'm really growing into that role more and more and am accepting that that's my job and it’s cool that it’s unpaid, I’ll just sort something else out to pay the rent!  And I'll try to be positive so that I can find a job that I can love which would allow me to spread joy all day long ;)  Anyways...so thank you for that.  Soooo much!  It was a sign amongst sings that I’m on the right path right now and that’s good to know sometimes.”

At the end of my response, I explained that I understand being cautious in life sometimes, and not wanting to be hurt…but we always have to remember the Dalai Lama’s words:  “....great love and great achievements involve great risk.  Risk is involved in every opportunity in life.” 

Things happen in our lives for a reason, even if it takes us a while to figure out what that reason is…